


Your Enemies Closer

by appalachian_fireflies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, wait come back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-10-22 15:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appalachian_fireflies/pseuds/appalachian_fireflies
Summary: After escaping the Carrow's torture and collapsing on Sirius' rubbish bins, Remus is certain he is being followed.  Sirius, familiar with this brand of paranoia, decides he needs to keep an eye on Remus- but it becomes increasingly apparent that Remus is trying to hide something from him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (yes, this is the fic that I abandoned and came back a year and a half later to write the last chapter. sorryy)

Sirius felt as though someone were watching him. 

It was not unusual for several pairs of eyes to follow him wherever he went, broad smiles falling into gaping mouths. Pale faces and darting eyes, whispers following the only man who had ever escaped Azkaban, the infamous mass murderer (now exonerated, but that hardly mattered). 

It made it a bit difficult to pick up toothpaste and milk at the corner store, but he managed. 

In fact, the terrified glances of his neighbors had become so routine that he simply smiled at them, counted his change, and went about his day. He hardly even felt self-conscious any longer. Today, though, the fine hairs on the back of his neck prickled in warning, and his fingers twitched to grasp the wand stowed in his pocket. He scanned the street ahead of him, and even went so far as to glance suspiciously behind himself, but at this early hour on a Sunday he was the only one conscious, let alone out and about. He tucked his scarf more tightly around his neck, shivering at the violent chill that darted down his spine. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw movement amongst what he had presumed to be a gray, dilapidated pile of old robes by the rubbish bins. From beneath a long, ragged hood, a gaunt face stared up at him. 

“I haven’t any money,” Sirius said, wanting with all of the adrenaline in his body to break the man’s gaze and run to the door of his flat. Yet, there was something hypnotic about the way the man looked into his eyes, and the urge to run warred with the odd sense that he should move closer. Perhaps it was pity- the memory of thin, shredded garments, bone-chilling days and unending darkness. 

“I can help you find a shelter,” Sirius offered, stepping closer. The man watched him warily, and there was something about his eyes that made Sirius feel as if he were on the edge of a precipice, his heart beating so rapidly he could feel it leap into his throat-

“Expelliarmus,” the man said hoarsely, and before Sirius could flinch, he had darted forward with unnatural speed, fisted his hands in Sirius’ robes, and hauled him into the dim alley. 

Sirius struggled, but the man’s grip was tenacious, almost desperate, his bloodshot eyes wide and luminous in the darkness. Was he on something? The man’s arms trembled where they held Sirius fast. His hair was long, ragged, and greasy, nearly entirely gray except for a few wayward strands of sandy brown that fell forward to cover his wide eyes. 

“The prank on Severus, in sixth year,” the man’s hoarse voice cut through Sirius’ dazed shock, “what was your punishment?” 

“I- Remus,” Sirius whispered, and reached for the man’s hood. The man’s hand darted out to grasp his like a vise, tight enough to cut off the circulation to his fingers. 

“What was your punishment?” the man growled, and Sirius blinked.

“I was kicked off the Quidditch team. I-,” he stopped. There were several punishments he had been given and fully deserved that year, but there could only be one that Remus meant. “Your dad took me to work,” Sirius took in the man in front of him. “To the werewolf registry.” 

Remus loosened the death grip on Sirius’ hand, his own trembling wildly. “And why did he take you there?”

Sirius swallowed. “To watch an execution. For a woman who had bitten someone.” 

Remus let go of Sirius’ hand, but did not return his wand. “Voldemort?” he said hoarsely. “Is it true, what they’re saying in the papers? Or is the Ministry…”

Sirius shook his head. “Dead. Remus-“

“Dora?” Remus asked hopefully, and Sirius looked away. 

“Died. In the battle of Hogwarts. I’m sorry.” 

Remus’ eyes closed briefly at this, and he seemed to lose some of the manic energy from before. 

Sirius slipped his wand back into his grasp from Remus’ trembling hand. “Remus,” he started carefully, “I don’t know where you’ve been, but I think we’d better get you to a hospital.”

Remus shook his head, and leaned back against the brick wall of Sirius’ building. “No,” he muttered, “no, I’ll manage,” he took a deep, steadying breath, and passed out.

Sirius surveyed the limp body on the ground, and sighed. “Of course you will,” he hauled Remus upright, and disapparated. 

*

"Hullo," Harry greeted, sitting in a plastic chair next to Sirius.  It wobbled dangerously, then righted itself.  "How is he?"

"The Aurors have eyes and ears everywhere, hmm?" Sirius spun an empty tin cup of coffee in his hands.

"Yes," Harry replied, looking wholly unashamed.  "Though I've heard someone was able to hide right under their noses for years."

Sirius barked a laugh.  "Well, when you've been one, you know how they think."

They sat in silence for a moment, watching Remus sleep.  The usual shuffle continued on around them, but it was far from the panicked fray only a year ago.

"How'd you find him?" Harry asked.

"Didn't," Sirius answered.  "He found me."

Harry's eyebrows shot to his hairline.  "He say where he's been?"

Sirius shook his head.  "Just shoved me against a wall, interrogated me, then passed out."

Harry smiled ruefully.  "Well, he's a very consistent person, you can say that."  He reached over and squeezed Sirius' shoulder, an odd role-reversal, but not so odd from Harry.  "I'm glad he's back."

"Me too," Sirius agreed, and startled when Remus coughed.  

"I told you," Remus rasped, "that I didn't need to go to Mungos."  He frowned up at Sirius, noticed Harry, and morphed his expression into a careful smile.  "Hello, Harry."

"You collapsed on my rubbish bin," Sirius argued.

"Oh, like that's never happened before," Remus shuffled upright.

"Do you know," Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, "that I had parasites for two years, and I didn't know it?  Do you know how much that-"

"I haven't got parasites," Remus complained, and slumped back against the bed frame.  "I don't transform into a dog and eat whatever shit I-"

"Snape was right," Harry mused, startling them into silence.  "Mr. and Mrs. Weasley argue like that all the time."

Remus looked at Harry, and seemed to notice for the first time the Auror badge affixed to his robes.  "Are you here to interview me, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry confirmed, apologetic.  "I thought it might be better that I did.  Given, you know,' he trailed off awkwardly.

"Yes, I appreciate it," Remus smiled at him.  "You did the right thing.  Unfortunately, I don't know that I'll have much to tell you."

"Do you know where you've been?" Harry asked.

Remus shook his head.  "I'm sorry, I was never able to go outside.  They kept me in a large house, with a cellar.  I escaped through the floo, when they let their guard down."

Harry stared penetratingly at him for a moment, but Remus only smiled vaguely.  "Were there any windows?  Could you see outside?"

"Yes," Remus looked sideways at the bare hospital wall.  "There were trees.  A forest.  I couldn't see any other houses."

"Who was it?" Sirius asked tightly.

Remus looked surprised.  "Amycus and Alecto Carrow," he replied, matter-of-fact.

Harry's eyes widened.  "But they were at Hogwarts-"

"They never left?" Remus asked softly.  "Both of them were there together, the entire time?"

"I-I don't know," Harry looked troubled.  "I wasn't there."

Remus nodded.  "They had- side projects, you could say," he smiled grimly.  "And I don't think the castle was up to their standard of living."

Sirius looked briefly furious, then just as suddenly in the wake of this he seemed tired, saddened.  "We never suspected the Carrows."

"The Aurors have been looking for them, though," Harry added.  "Anything you might be able to tell me could help us find them."

Remus shook his head.  "No, I don't think you'll find him.  I do think, though, that he will try to find me."  He looked up at Harry.  "I'll just have to make sure to kill him first," he smiled, all teeth.  

"Remus," Harry looked concerned, "I don't think you should go after them."

"Whyever not?" Remus tilted his head.  "I should leave this to the professionals?"

"Harry's trying to be diplomatic," Sirius interjected.  "There were some laws passed, while you were away.  By Umbridge.  It's been... difficult, to persuade the Ministry to repeal them."

"What do they say?" Remus asked.  "Exactly."

Harry winced.  "A beast using any spell against a true wizard shall be immediately executed."

"Hmm," Remus seemed to reflect on this for a moment, impassive.  "Thank you, Harry.  I appreciate being informed."

"Right," Harry peered at him suspiciously.  

"Well, if that's all," Remus swung his legs over the side of the bed.  "I don't have any intention of staying here.  Apologies."

"The Healer hasn't cleared you to go," Sirius flung up his arms, exasperated.  "Sit back down!"

"I don't have to be cleared," Remus stood gingerly.  "I'm perfectly within my rights to leave against their advice."

"Where will you go, then?" Sirius blocked the door.  

"That is a bit of a problem," Remus admitted.  "I think I'm at least two years behind in rent from my last flat.  And that was before I made my place in Greyback's camp."  Remus' feet were bare on the cold tile floor, and he shivered.

"The tip off," Harry said suddenly.  "That was you!"

"Well, of course it was," Remus said crossly.  "Though I'm not surprised Dumbledore didn't say a word."

"He's dead," Harry looked just past Remus' eyes.  

Remus' hands clenched in his torn robes, which were now stiff with a cleaning charm.  "I'm very sorry to hear that, but I suppose it makes sense now.  Yes, I gave the tip off that Greyback's pack was going to turn all those children.  I hope you made good on it."

"We did," Sirius said, resting a hand on his shoulder.  "Sit down, Remus."

"I'm leaving," Remus insisted, drawing himself up, and Sirius sighed. 

"Fine, you stubborn bloody idiot," Sirius supported him.  "But you should know you've inherited your own place."

"Werewolves can't inherit wizarding property," Remus said immediately, then seemed to realize what Sirius had said.  "Oh.  My dad's dead." 

"In his sleep," Sirius held Remus' weight as he slumped against him.  "Few days after the tip-off.  Didn't even have time to realize you were missing."

Remus closed his eyes.  "That's good."

"The house was in your mum's name," Sirius said.  "Muggle will.  Your parents made sure it was very clear.  I've been keeping an eye on it for you, 'till you came back."

Remus swallowed.  "You didn't think I was dead in a ditch somewhere?  Seems more likely."

"You?" Sirius slipped an arm around his waist, and helped him to the apparition point.  "Never." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! Parts of this fic are potentially dysphoria inducing, and involve natal female reproductive organs with a trans man. For some (trans) people this might be uncomfortable, for others not so much, and the character involved expresses ambivalence. There are also the other tags at the top to consider (i.e. rape) 
> 
> If you have bottom dysphoria, maybe choose not to read this one 
> 
> If you have dysphoria concerns re: this fic, please message me on my tumblr at bookish-but-corruptible.tumblr.com for spoilers


	2. Chapter 2

The cottage at the end of the gravel road was shuttered shut, cold with the last of April's winter chill.  It was, predictably for Hay-on-Wye, raining, a miserable gray drizzle that reminded Sirius of a group of demeanors breeding.  He shivered, unbolted the front door, and immediately began casting warming charms.

Remus went through the front hall to the kitchen with faded yellow walls and tickled a painted niffler, which squirmed and rained money from a pouch on its belly.  Remus smiled and moved directly to the cupboard for the glasses, testing the water.  After it ran sufficiently clear, he sat in one of the creaking kitchen chairs with a sigh of relief.  

"Thanks, dad," he said softly to the quiet room. Sirius emerged to mutter a charm at the electric lights, which fizzled and blew with a pop.

"Better to use the switch," Remus commented.  "Dad drove mum mad trying to find a charm that wouldn't blow them.  Went through a dozen bulbs before she made him promise to give up."

"This is why wizards use candles," Sirius muttered, "or gas lamps."

Remus shook his head.  "My mum wasn't a wizard.  Bulbs are in the cupboard," he pointed.  "I think I'll take a bath.  Cleaning charms aren't quite the same."

"Right," Sirius replied absently, distracted by figuring out the lightbulbs.

Remus did not return downstairs after his bath; Sirius came up to find his old bedroom door closed, and left him in peace.  He did not come down for dinner, and eventually Sirius fell asleep on the couch- it felt wrong, somehow, to sleep in Remus' parents' bed without his permission.

In the grey light of the early morning, Sirius came to a fuzzy half-consciousness with the sound of Remus heaving in the bathroom adjacent to the living room, but before he could fully process this, he had fallen back asleep to wake at a more civilized hour.  

When Sirius rolled off the couch with his tongue tasting like cotton and his hair sticking to the side of his mouth, Remus was perched on a rocking chair on the front porch, a wool blanket around his shoulders and a roll of saltines on his lap.  Sirius cracked open the front door, and shivered at the morning chill.

"It's freezing," he complained, still half-inside the house.  "Come back inside." 

"It isn't so bad," Remus countered, and Sirius couldn't exactly press the issue.  It had been only recently that he could remain inside without feeling an anxious need to lash out at bars that were no longer there.  His love for the open air was matched only by his appreciation of feeling both dry and warm.  

A few hours later, Sirius had gone shopping, fried up a pan of eggs and potatoes, and was inhaling his plate while Remus watched with a cup of tea in hand. 

"I made some for you," Sirius managed between bites.  "Can't just live on crackers and tea."

Remus sniffed Sirius' plate and blanched.  "No, thank you," he said politely.  

"Want me to make you something else?" Sirius offered.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do," Remus countered, "but I don't need a nursemaid.  I'm sure you have better things to do.  Don't let me keep you here." 

Sirius' brain tried to process this bit of Remus Speak, but whatever logical process usually aided him was drowned by a wave of hurt.  "Remus," his put his plate down, "I don't know if you'll understand this, but I've missed you.  Everyone thought you were dead.  I just got one of my best friends back," he pointed with his fork, "my only friend still alive, and for what is, I'm sure, some fucked up reason about being a burden, or whatever," he stabbed viciously at the air, "he's not said a real word to me, and now is trying to rush me out."

"Sirius," Remus looked chagrined, "I only meant-"

"You only meant," Sirius mimicked.  "You can shut up.  With that.  Just, when you're ready.  I want you to talk to me."

Remus regarded him for a moment.  "I've never been very good at that."

Sirius snorted, and kicked his legs off the couch to stretch.

"You know, you've been acting more like yourself," Remus said from behind his cup of tea.  "Not, so..." he trailed off.  

"Sloshed?  Well, leaving Grimmauld Place to rot helped with the alcoholism," he admitted.  "And the exoneration, with the paranoia.  Been doing my best."

"I'm proud of you," Remus said softly.  "I know how hard it was for you."

"I had a goal to work toward," Sirius admitted.  

"A job?" Remus asked.  "It sounded, with Harry, as if you'd been working for the aurors."

Sirius barked a laugh.  "No, I've been looking for you.  Every day since you disappeared.  When Harry joined the aurors, we started to share anything we thought might help find you." 

"Oh," Remus was silent for a long few moments after this.  "I'm sorry."

"Merlin, Moony," Sirius stared at him.  "I don't even want to know what you think you're sorry for.  Just, could you eat something?"

"Later, perhaps," Remus said vaguely.  "I'd like to fix the roof before we lose the daylight."

Sirius stood.  "Where is it?"

"In my room," Remus waved a hand.  "I'll see to it."

"I could use a project," Sirius followed him, cutting off any further protests.  

That night, he dreamed that Azkaban was a tower without windows, only great sheer sides, and he grasped desperately at the stone only to fall down to the rocky shore over and over again.  

Days passed in a similar ritual, where Remus woke early and nauseous, found some new task of home improvement, and set Sirius to work.  Remus would inevitably disappear outside, muttering defensive charms at the walls and boundaries of the house with his father's old wand.  He told Sirius he was free to leave, Sirius refused, and eventually Remus insisted he might as well take the other bed.  Sirius offered to have Remus take the larger bed, his parent's bed, but Remus only gave him an uncomfortable smile and declined.  

Though Remus still tried  to encourage Sirius to go back to England, they had come to a certain peace that consisted of industriousness and laconic conversations.  Remus continued to look peaky, and though Sirius badgered him he did have to admit that Remus could clearly stand on his own now, which was a marked improvement.  

As the end of April approached, the bitter bite of winter air had begun to fade to something kinder, and Remus came in covered in dirt after examining the yard's raised beds.  He was yammering on about planting peas when he sniffed, and blanched.  

"That smells godawful," he frowned at the cauldron Sirius was stirring. 

"Twenty-one," Sirius counted aloud, and Remus went silent until Sirius had finished, his long hair frizzing with sweat.  Remus had finally cropped his hair to a short, uneven cut, and he looked far better for it.  

"Wolfsbane," Sirius explained, and Remus looked surprised.  

"That's a very complicated potion," Remus peered at the cauldron.  "Are you sure-"

"I was always aces at potions," Sirius said airily.  "Like everything I've ever done." 

"Except divination," Remus commented.

"You know that was a crock," Sirius sniffed.  "But I'll have you know, I've been practicing for months now, and I've gotten quite good at this one."  He looked at Remus.  "It's safe.  I wouldn't fuck around with this, you know that."

"Well, in the very least it's expensive," Remus argued.  "Besides, I've got the cellar here."

"The what?" Sirius rapped the ladle down on the table, a sharp sound in the space.  "Are you mad?  Do you really think," his voice rose, "that I'd let you-" he stopped.  Remus had gone pale, and looked as if he wanted to edge away. Sirius felt, as he had so often lately, a confused hurt that flared quickly into a frustration he didn't quite understand.

"I- didn't mean it," Remus said apologetically.  "I'm sorry.  You know I'm not very good at, accepting charity."

"Yeah," Sirius softened.  "Well.  You need to work on that."

Remus nodded, and that was the end of that conversation.

Remus repaired the raised beds, planted his peas and other spring vegetables, and began to spend more time on the porch between his obsessive warding of the cottage.  The full moon approached, and Sirius left the first goblet of wolfsbane on the kitchen table. 

It was a coincidence that required Sirius to not only be up at an ungodly hour, but to be conscious enough to wander quietly into the kitchen for a glass of water.  He saw Remus' wool wrapped form freeze hunched over the kitchen sink, and it took Sirius several long seconds to process the scene in front of him.  

Remus had the goblet of wolfsbane in his hand, tilted towards the bowl of the sink.  The thick, acrid liquid had not been drunk, but was spilling from the rim of the goblet, into the sink, and down the drain.  

Sirius blinked at the scene, lost in the unreality of it, the early morning stupor.  "Remus?" he said stupidly.

"I," Remus started, but apparently had nothing to say, and stood silently, watching Sirius.

Sirius drew himself up as the adrenaline began to race through his veins.  He was angry now, furious.  How dare Remus do something so dangerous and thick-headed?  What was he playing at?  

"You godsdamned idiot," Sirius growled, advancing towards him.  "What do you think you're doing?" he yelled.  

"I wasn't," Remus said quietly.

"You weren't what," Sirius yelled.  "You weren't pouring the potion that keeps you from ripping yourself to shreds down the drain?  Is this some fucked-up death wish?  Hell of a way to go, Moony," his voice cracked.  

"I'm sorry," Remus said.  

"You're sorry?" Sirius asked, well and truly lost.  "Remus.  Just, tell me," he put a hand out to touch Remus' shoulder. Remus' hands flew, goblet and all, not to block Sirius, or instinctively up to protect his face, but down to protect his stomach. 

Sirius stared, dumbfounded, at Remus' hands hovering with the half-empty goblet, his pale face.  He looked panicked in a way he so rarely did, and Sirius thought he looked a bit nauseous.  Had he thrown up yet this morning?  Sirius thought, perhaps, that he'd just been having trouble adjusting to food, but it had been weeks at this point, and he rarely saw Remus eat anything other than saltines.  

Sirius looked down at the hand hovering by Remus' stomach, now shaking with tension.  He felt some awareness creeping in towards the edges of his consciousness, and drew his wand from his back pocket. 

"Sonorous," Sirius said, pointing his wand at the hands covering Remus' stomach, and heard the soft thump and swish echo in the small room, unmistakable.  A heart beat.  


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius tilted his head, listening, and Remus drew his wand.

"Finite," Remus said quietly, and the heartbeat stopped.  

"What," Sirius lowered his wand.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus, watching him warily, set the goblet down on the counter.  "I hadn't planned for you to find out."

Sirius felt several sharp clicks in his brain, like pins lining up to accept a key, and tumbling turn.  "You wanted me to leave.  You're worried about the wolfsbane?"

Remus nodded, stray hairs falling down across his forehead.  "It might be toxic.  To the fetus."

"What," Sirius struggled, "was your plan, here?"

Remus seemed to curl further into himself at this.  "I don’t know. I just, thought it wasn't safe.  To risk it."  

"Merlin, Moony," Sirius stared at his stomach.  "Why didn't you just ask someone?"

"Who would I ask?" Remus asked.  

"I don't know," Sirius said incredulously.  "A healer?"

"I can't," Remus said shortly. 

"What do you mean, you can't?" Sirius spread his hands.  "I swear, Remus-"

"What if it's a werewolf?" Remus said, and Sirius went quiet.  

"We could ask Poppy," Sirius offered. 

Remus gave him a guarded look.  "You don't think I should get rid of it?"

"Do you want to?"

Remus shrugged helplessly.  "I can't."

"Well," Sirius had the acute sense he was treading water, "if you wanted," he started, but Remus shook his head.

"I can't explain it," Remus said shortly.  "Isn't it term time?  Won't she be busy?"

"She's retired now.  Mostly," Sirius amended.  "Training up someone new.  But you know she's always had a soft spot for you," he smiled.  "Poor Moony, suffering so bravely."

Remus snorted, but didn't lose any of the tension in his shoulders.  "Alright, then.  I'll owl her."

"Oh, no," Sirius argued.  "We're fire calling.  If you're going to take the wolfsbane, it has to be by tonight."

Remus huffed irritably.  "Yes, fine," he said, and walked over to the fireplace.  

For weeks now, Sirius had felt as if they'd never known each other at all. He hadn't realized how much it had hurt for Remus to treat him warily, as if he were a stranger.  But this must be the answer, the reason why Remus had sent him off to repair this and that while he spent time alone and watched Sirius approach from the corner of his eye.  Perhaps now, Sirius thought selfishly, he would have his friend back. They had never done well with secrets between them. 

When Poppy turned up, Sirius was glad to have this in her capable hands. He was still reeling, and couldn't quite look Remus in the eye. It was odd- he'd almost forgotten this was possible, as if his mind had conveniently skirted past the fact.

Poppy emerged from Remus' room an hour later with her usual businesslike bluster.  Remus, behind her, gave Sirius a polite social smile and disappeared off into the backyard.  Sirius watched him go, a familiar sinking pulling his stomach to the floor.

Poppy, he noticed, had also watched Remus go with a frown.

"Can he take the wolfsbane?" Sirius asked, and she startled. 

"Yes," she replied, matter-of-fact.  We've discussed it.  I don't anticipate it being a problem, and the benefits outweigh any risks."

"What else should I keep an eye on?" Sirius asked, and Poppy looked surprised.

"I don't think Remus was under the impression you would be here much longer," she regarded him.

"Well, he's an idiot," Sirius huffed.  "In the very least, I'm not leaving until the Carrows are dead or in Azkaban."

"Aye," Poppy agreed.  "That's a good angle.  He'll argue the wards are plenty, but he knows better."  She paused.  "I could try to prescribe company, but I know he would ignore it."

"Politely," Sirius added. 

"Of course," Poppy gave him a small smile.  "Ah, poor lad."

"I feel like I should be happy," Sirius admitted.  "Like with Lily, and James.  But I don't know what to think."

Poppy nodded.  "He might be happy yet," she said.  "As far as I can tell, he had to bond with something, and he felt he had to protect it. Makes a certain sense. It's a blessing that it wasn't Amycus Carrow he bonded with, I suppose."

"What do you mean by that?" Sirius asked, taken aback.  

"I was there when the Carrows used unforgivables on my students," Poppy said.  "The ones who didn't have friends after, who couldn't fight back.  They did very odd things, to make sense of it all."

"He has friends, though," Sirius said stubbornly.  "He has me."

"So he does," Poppy gave him a smile.  "And he will need you, whether he knows it or not." She leaned up to give Sirius a brief hug.  "I never liked you much when you were at school," she said, accentuating the statement with a pat on his back.  "Always thought you got Remus into terrible trouble. That perhaps he felt some misplaced gratitude over your acceptance of him."

Sirius swallowed uncomfortably at this, and the memories that accompanied it. 

"But the lad did always look at you like you'd hung the moon and stars," she added, and Sirius flushed. 

"How can you tell, he blustered, "with a face like his?"

Poppy only chuckled indulgently, and patted his shoulder.  "I've got to be back," she made her way back to the floo.  "Mary hasn't quite gotten the hang of broken bones, and I believe the match has just ended."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, to keep her there just that much longer, but she shook her head.  

"Makes sure he takes that potion," she pointed to the kitchen.  "Do you need more?"

Sirius shook his head.  "I've got backup.  Wait," he tilted his head.  "Hogwarts has wolfsbane?"

"Now, I never said that," Poppy replied lightly.  "Good day, Mr. Black!"


	4. Chapter 4

When Poppy had left, Sirius followed Remus to where he stood at the edge of the backyard where it met a copse of trees.  The trees clustered around a river that ran through the property; oak, birch, and one ancient weeping willow.  

Remus was mucking around in one of the freshly repaired raised beds, transfiguring a cluster of twigs to resemble a lattice.  The bright green tendrils of peas had just begun to spring up from the ground.  

"Feeling domestic?" Sirius asked, and Remus startled. 

Remus gave the lattice another tap to secure it in the soil, then pocketed his wand.  "Restless, actually.  I think I'm going to take a trip into town.  Could use some milk and eggs."

"Mind if I come with?" Sirius asked, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.  

Remus gave him an appraising look.  "Alright," he said finally.  "But you have to promise not to start any rows with my neighbors."

"I'm not sixteen any longer!" Sirius protested.  

"Promise me, Padfoot," Remus repeated.

Sirius was blindsided by the feeling of warmth that crept up at the first use of his nickname he'd heard in years, and immediately agreed with a mute nod. 

Remus seemed to think this was enough, and traveled down the dirt path that led to the gravel road into town.  

Sirius thought idly as they walked in silence of the home repairs, the obsessive tending of the peas, the hours Remus spent in the rocking chair on the porch.  

"Nesting," Sirius muttered to himself.  

"What was that?" Remus asked, glancing around at the hedges before he looked over at Sirius.  

"You've been nesting," Sirius broke into a grin.  "It all makes sense now."

Remus groaned.  "If you start quoting some book about decoding my womanly mystique, I'm making you a one-way portkey to the Australian outback."

"Bit tetchy with the hormones there, Moony," Sirius commented.  "Full moon's still five days away."

"It could be your cereal spoon," Remus continued.  "Or your left sock." 

"Oh, this is charming," Sirius crooned, distracted as the town came into view.  "They've got bookshelves on the street!"

"It's the book capital of Wales," Remus flushed.  "There's an annual festival." 

"Moony," Sirius sighed.  "Everything about you makes more sense now."  

"Prat," Remus shoved Sirius so hard he stumbled, his longs legs carrying him ahead.  

"Shwmae, Briallen," Remus waved to an older, plump woman sweeping the stoop of her shop.  Sirius, who had known and loved many broomsticks in his life, noticed the rounded stub of an old Shooting Star.

Briallen looked up at the greeting, and spotted Remus.  At once, the kind crinkles at the corners of her eyes vanished, her eyes widening.  She crossed herself, pausing at the end to tap her index, middle, and ring fingers on her chest twice.  Then she stepped back into her shop, and vanished when the door shut with a bang.  

"Friendly lot," Sirius growled.  

Remus chewed his lip, watching Sirius.  "What you have to understand is-"

"That she's a prejudiced-"

"Let me speak," Remus commanded.  "Her youngest, Rhys, was killed by Greyback in the first war.  She's frightened."  

"Why would your dad stay here with neighbors like that," Sirius glared as they went through the town.  

"The whole country knows what I am," Remus said under his breath, with a smile at the postman.  "Severus made certain of that.  And," his eyes cut away, "if this isn’t our home, what is?" 

"That greasy git," Sirius cursed.

"He's dead," Remus said shortly, and stepped into the grocers.  

Sirius sulked as Remus agonized over the various brands of honey, and nearly snapped when they went to the checkout and the cashier seemed to stand as far away as he could while still whisking knuts into a metal box.  He did not touch the groceries to bag them.  

"Merlin's sake," Sirius growled, and shoved the groceries into a bag. 

"Prynhawn da, Owen," Remus said with a polite smile.  

"Diolch," Owen blurted.

Sirius looked back over his shoulder as they left the shop.  "Did he just thank you for saying good afternoon?"

"Yes," Remus sighed.  

"What's he doing now?  Is that disinfectant?"

"Holy water," Remus corrected.  "Old superstition."

"Gods, I don't know how you can stand it," Sirius stormed back up the gravel road.  

"Sirius," Remus sounded tired.  "Can you sulk about this another day?"

"I'm not sulking," Sirius stalked over yet another hill.  "I'm angry!  Aren't you?"

"No," Remus said shortly.  

"Liar," Sirius snapped.  

Remus ran a hand through his hair, mussing it wildly.  "I'm not," he said.  "If you must know, I can't be angry because I understand it.  I expect it.  And they're... harmless, at least."

"I hate that they treat you like that," Sirius softened.  

Remus sighed.  "I had always wondered how it'd go, if they found out.  Could be worse."

"How long has your family lived here?" Sirius asked. 

"Since I was nine," Remus looked tired.  "We moved around a lot before then."  He laughed suddenly.  "At least the gender shock got overshadowed."

"Ha bloody ha," Sirius opened the front door.  

It was odd to think of Remus being raised as a little girl, but everywhere he turned were pictures of him, muggle and wizard alike.  A young family traveling the world- looking for a cure, Sirius thought, in one photo of Egypt where Remus looked nauseous.

He remembered their first night in Gryffindor Tower, when Remus had barely gone halfway up the stairs to the girl's tower before it morphed into a slide and slid him out on his bum, blinking with shock.  

Sirius chuckled to himself, and Remus looked over from the fridge.

"Just thinking about the stairs, in first year," Sirius said.

Remus gave him a grin, one side of his mouth pulling up higher than the other.

"Do you remember Naveem, trying to be the perfect prefect?  And the name!  You were so straight-faced."

Remus grinned wickedly.  "I did enjoy that," he admitted.

"Werewolf McWerewolf!" Sirius barked a laugh.  "D'you remember when Prongs figured that one out?"

"Hard to forget," Remus sat on the couch, putting his feet up.

"More pumpkin juice, Remus Lupin?"

"Pass the Quill, Remus Lupin. Everyone thought he was bonkers.  That and asking me about my pet rabbit."

"Yeah," Sirius' eyes gleamed.  "They're like muggles, really.  Especially with the gender thing.  Don't notice anything 'till you tell 'em outright."

"Even then," Remus said wryly.  "I'd've never known you wanted to be a woman!"

Sirius bent over cackling at this.  "Every bloody time," he agreed.  They paused, and a bird trilled low in the silence.  "I missed you, Moony," he said.

"Missed you too, Pads," Remus leaned back and closed his eyes.

*

When Harry apparated outside the wards at Remus' home, it was 6:00 pm and dark.  They hadn't yet reached the full bloom of spring where the sun would stretch over long days that began early and ended late.  

He stepped forward, felt the wards assess him, and continued onward.  He rang the bell and heard an odd, discordant ring of several chimes within, but after several long minutes no one had answered.  The house was dark.  

 _Maybe they've stepped out,_ Harry breathed to calm his suddenly racing heart.   _Bit early to have fallen asleep, isn't it?_

Harry heard the long, high note of a howl, and the hairs on the back of his neck rose.  He looked up, and saw the single bright eye of the full moon.

"Potter, you daft bugger," he muttered to himself, and held his wand cautiously in the sleeve of his robes as he went around the side of the house.  "Nihil nidore," he whispered, making a sweeping motion over his body.

Another howl pierced the silence, but now Harry could see it came from an enormous, shaggy black dog.  The dog finished, and turned to nip his companion.

The lanky russet wolf looked distinctly unimpressed.  Harry could swear that the greying line of the wolf's mouth was frowning.  

The dog barked at the wolf, who growled in annoyance and began to tussle.  Harry stifled a chuckle as the dog got the upper hand, and barked in the wolf's face.  

The wolf sighed, and the exhale became a long, mournful howl as its great furry head tipped back.  Harry felt his breath catch at the sound; he'd never confuse it with a dog's howl again.

"Hallo," Harry said, and both dog and wolf scrambled upright.  The wolf took several steps back, and suddenly in place of the dog stood Sirius.

"Harry," Sirius called, anchoring his hand in the thick ruff of the wolf's furry neck, who looked as if he wanted to run away.  "Everything alright?"

"Amycus Carrow was spotted in London," Harry said, pushing a hand through his wiry hair.  "We think he's on your trail.  No sight of Alecto yet."

Sirius nodded.  "We'll be careful."

"Thought I'd check the wards," Harry shuffled awkwardly.

"Come by tomorrow," Sirius said.  "We'll go through them together."  He gave the wolf a scratch between his twitching ears.  "Remus here's a bit self-conscious when he's not got any trousers on."

Harry gave them both a wave.  "Look after each other, until then."

"Yes, Auror Potter," Sirius grinned, and shifted back into Padfoot.

*

Remus whimpered as Sirius scooped his arms under his prone form.  He ran his eyes over Remus' body, instinctively cataloguing for damage, though none could be seen.  What lay under the surface, he knew, was a different story; Wolfsbane didn't change the snapping of bones and pull of muscle, the cumulative damage of hundreds of moons.

"Alright, love," Sirius said.  "Just going to put you on the couch."

Remus nodded, jaw tight with pain as he clung to Sirius, gasping as his back made contact with the sofa then going still.  

 _Hurts less if I don't move,_ Sirius remembered  Remus barely breathing as he said it through his teeth, as if even that movement hurt too much.  

It seemed unfair to stare at the taut curve of Remus' belly when he was like this, unable to put on the glamour he used every morning to make it less visible under his father's overlarge sweaters.  He covered Remus' shivering body with a blanket, and crouched beside him.  "I'm going to get the pain potion," he put a hand on Remus' covered shoulder.  

As soon as Remus had downed the potion, he cleared his throat, voice hoarse.  "Alecto Carrow," he said.  "I couldn't tell Harry last night.  I killed her.  It's only Amycus."

"AK'ed?" Sirius asked, and Remus nodded.  "Well, it's a good thing Purebloods started burning their dead when Inferi were popular in the First War.  And it's too late for Priori Incantatem.  But you knew that, didn't you?"

Remus nodded.  "Would've killed Amycus.  Won't miss a second time."

Sirius gripped his shoulder.  "Don't get caught."

"When do I ever," Remus winced suddenly, then put his hand on his left knee, which gave a loud crack as he righted it.

"Anything else?" Sirius looked him over.

Remus' brow furrowed, then he shook his head.  He rolled gingerly onto his back.  "He'll come to me.  Soon."

"He was always pretty close to that sadist sister of his," Sirius mused.  "Peas in a pod."

Remus wheezed a laugh.  "You know better than that, Pureblood.  He's not going to let me live when I'm carrying his half-blood werewolf... abomination to the bloodline."

Sirius winced.  "I thought that might be what happened," he said gently.

Remus nodded.  "I couldn't let him kill it.  I don't know why."

"Shh, love," Sirius pushed Remus' hair off his sweaty forehead.  "Worry later.  Rest now."

Remus huffed, but his face went slack as the grip of pain began to release him, and in a few deep breaths he was asleep.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't abandon you! i've just been busy with other fic. but I've finished one behemoth, and i'm posting it at the link below under another username. it's the marauder's first year at hogwarts, and the story of how the forbidden forest became forbidden. 
> 
>  
> 
> <http://archiveofourown.org/works/11153070/chapters/24886389>
> 
>  
> 
> please forgive typos; i am using speech recognition software


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so here's the deal: I hated the previous version of this chapter that I posted so much that I deleted it and wrote this one instead. whoops. but now hopefully that I've figured that out I will finish this faster!

Remus slept the afternoon away on the couch while Sirius shored up the wards with Harry. He finally woke to have a cup of tea on the porch and watch the sun set, barefoot in the warm early summer breeze. 

Poppy Pomfrey stepped through the floo at 8:00 sharp, Sirius carefully leading her through the wards on the fireplace before he went to fetch Remus. 

Remus was absently rocking in the chair on the porch, the sunlight gone and the fields full of whirring grasshoppers. He did not turn to Sirius in the doorway. 

“Remus?” Sirius said, but Remus’ expression was blank as he continued the slow motion back and forth, staring into the fields. 

“Remus?” Sirius repeated more loudly, and Remus blinked as if coming out of a dream. 

“Sirius,” Remus looked at him for a moment. “Ah. Poppy’s here, isn’t she?” He took in his surroundings. “It’s gotten late.” 

“Yes,” Sirius said. “Are you in pain?”

“What?” Remus frowned. 

“Sometimes, when you look like,” Sirius ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed. “You get this expression, like you’re concentrating very hard, or you’re not all there. I was wondering if I shouldn’t’ve reduced the dose-“ 

“Bit of a headache,” Remus waved a hand. “Nothing so terrible.”

“Alright,” Sirius leaned against the doorframe, then stood again. “Poppy’s inside.” 

“Thank you,” Remus gave him a smile, and Sirius had the odd urge to shake him. 

“Course,” Sirius said, and neatly disappeared as Remus and Poppy went up to his room. 

Sirius ate a good quarter of a pot pie, turned into Padfoot to give the living room a recreational sniff, and had just started on his second cup of tea when Poppy re-emerged alone. She looked nearly as serious as she had the time Moony had gone for Remus’ eyes in a fit of rage. 

“How is he?” Sirius asked, feeling his heart speed up at the sight of her. 

Poppy sighed. “Got a cuppa for me?” 

“Anything for you,” Sirius said automatically as he moved to pour another mug, but the tone didn’t come across as he’d intended. 

“I don’t imagine he’ll be too happy I’ve told you,” Poppy swirled cream into her mug with a tap of her wand. “But I’ll feel better knowing someone is keeping an eye.” 

Sirius nodded, looking Poppy in the eye before she gave a small sigh and looked away.

“He’s just past his 40th birthday,” Poppy started, “and any pregnancy past 40 is by definition high-risk. He started out the pregnancy in poor physical shape. He’s lived with lycanthropy for 36 years- lad, I don’t know of anyone who has lived that long after being bitten.” 

“Well,” Sirius argued, “not many children have been bitten. Not since recently,” he amended. 

“Aye,” Poppy agreed. “I would say certainly on it’s own,” she paused. “I’ve put back bones, re-grown one of his kidneys and a few teeth. I’ve known him a long time. He’s,” she swallowed, then took a sip of her tea. “I tell him what he needs to do to take care of himself, but he’s not hearing me.” 

“I know,” Sirius said, “I’ve tried-“

Poppy shook her head. “He doesn’t care. Do you understand?” 

Sirius felt this sit cold in his stomach, and he put down his tea. “I do.” 

“He has hypertension. I’m fairly certain it will be pre-eclampsia by the end of the month. At which point, we will have reached another full moon.” 

“What’s- how do you treat that,” Sirius asked. 

Poppy shook her head. “Delivery of the baby. Until then, rest.” 

“That’s only a few months,” Sirius responded. “We just have to deal with it until then, right?” 

Poppy pulled a band from her kit and pushed it across the table from Sirius. “His blood pressure needs to be monitored regularly. If this,” she tapped the band, “turns red, I want you to call me straight away.” 

“He’ll be ok, though,” Sirius looked to Poppy. 

Poppy gave one of his hands a squeeze. “It can be unpredictable. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I weren’t worried.” 

Sirius picked up the band, and thought about the dislocations Poppy had set, Remus’ blood soaking through the infirmary’s bedsheets. “You think he could die from this.” 

“I think I’d like to do everything in my power to make certain he doesn’t,” Poppy nodded. 

“What do I need to do?” Sirius felt, oddly, as if he were looking up at her, though she sat a foot shorter. 

Poppy shook her head. “It’s not so simple.” 

“Then make it complicated,” Sirius leaned forward. “I’m not sitting by and watching this happen. Remus,” Sirius spread his hands, trying to convey the enormity of the feeling. “He’s all I have left.” 

Poppy regarded him. “Have you told him that?” 

*

Remus emerged just minutes after Poppy disappeared through the floo, giving Sirius a sheepish smile as he put the kettle on for herbal. 

“Slept a bit too much today,” he tapped the kettle with his wand in an urge to set it to boil. 

Sirius followed him to the couch with all the attention of Padfoot chasing Moony through the fields. 

“Hullo,” Remus said, and the quizzical look was just a moment too late, as if he had realized the expression that ought to be on his face and molded it for Sirius’ benefit.

“Where does it hurt?” Sirius said. 

Remus blinked. “Sorry?” 

“I would like an itemized list,” Sirius said. “Ranking would also be helpful.” 

“I’m really fine,” Remus smiled, and it was so polite that Sirius gritted his teeth.

“Don’t bullshit me,” Sirius pointed. “Who do you think I am?” 

“I- sorry,” Remus’ brow furrowed. “Have I done something wrong?” 

Sirius groaned. “I can’t- you are the most difficult person sometimes, I swear-“

Remus laughed, surprising Sirius. “I just remembered, my mother used to say, if anyone thought I was an easy child they knew me not at all. And she always made it clear to me that she wasn’t referencing the furry little problem.” 

“Have pity on me, then,” Sirius moved to Remus’ end of the couch, knocking their shoulders together. “Talk to me.” 

“I-“ Remus’ brow furrowed. “I don’t think I mean to be, to brush you off. I only, no one’s asked me that in a long time. And I’m used to making sure it doesn’t sound like an impediment, to whatever work needs done.” 

“You have a headache,” Sirius started. 

Remus nodded, and looked down at himself. “I- I’m not sure,” he placed a hand absently on the swell of his stomach. 

Sirius bit back a sigh, and Remus looked up at him. 

“Really, I don’t,” Remus said. “When you were in Azkaban-“ 

Sirius flinched. 

“I imagine you were often cold, or hungry,” Remus continued. “And after a while, it feels easier, you get used to not paying attention to it.” 

“Yes,” Sirius said, tight. 

“I’m sorry,” Remus seemed at once to realize his reaction. “I didn’t mean to-“ 

Sirius shook his head. “You’re right. And once you’re out, sometimes it takes you, your body, a bit to catch up. I understand.”

Remus nodded. “This was- before, as well. I’m not sure you’ll believe me, but I’m honestly not sure how to answer you.” 

Sirius put his hands lightly on Remus’ shoulders. “What about here?” 

Remus nodded, mug frozen halfway to his lips. 

“I remember different kinds of pain,” Sirius let the weight of his hands fall on Remus’ shoulders. “It could- shout, to where you would hold your breath to make it stop.” He pressed his thumbs gently into the spot where shoulders met neck; it seemed the wrong texture, too rigid. “Aching, to the point where it bit, or burned.”

“Sirius,” Remus put his mug down on the side table. 

“Just- give me a minute,” Sirius said. “Close your eyes.” 

Remus shifted uncomfortably, and looked away. 

“You don’t have to,” Sirius amended. “But if you could try. Just, trust me.” 

Remus closed his eyes, lashes flickering as if he hadn’t shut them all the way. 

“Do you feel it,” Sirius pressed his thumbs along the tight muscles in Remus’ shoulders, and heard an audible crunch of fluid. “Something’s wrong,” he followed up the tight muscles of Remus’ neck. Remus remained stiff in his hands. “I remember being on the run, and being trapped again in Grimmauld Place,” Sirius kept the pressure steady down the vertebrae. “And I nearly drank myself to death, trying to get rid of this edge, in my body, like I couldn’t relax unless I was smashed.”

“Mm,” Remus nodded slightly.

“Where does it hurt?” Sirius asked. 

“My head hurts,” Remus repeated. “My- feet. Left knee. Stomach,” his brow furrowed as his hand landed on the swell of his midsection. “To be expected.”

“Just tell me where,” Sirius said. “Do you feel this?” he pressed his fingers into the tight muscles along Remus’ upper back. 

“Yes,” Remus nodded. 

“This is a bit- just, take a deep breath,” Sirius pressed into a stubborn knot of muscle. “And let it go.” 

“Alright,” Remus sounded dubious, but he did as Sirius asked, and Sirius moved to the next band of tight muscle, a stranglehold where spine met skull. 

“Forget that constant vigilance bullshit,” Sirius kept his fingers in place. “Just for a minute.”

“Keeps me alive,” Remus smiled. 

Sirius shook his head. “You don’t need it. Not here. Close your eyes.” 

“They are closed,” Remus countered. 

“All the way,” Sirius prodded him. “Just feel this, right here. Take a deep breath.” 

Remus’ lashes stopped fluttering, and he breathed in. 

“Hold it. Let go. Do it again,” Sirius instructed. “Just do it. I’m very smart, remember?” 

Remus let out a small huff of a laugh, and breathed in again. 

“Slower,” Sirius instructed, and Remus gradually let out the breath. The muscle in Sirius’ fingers spasmed, then let go. 

“Oh,” Remus sounded almost surprised. 

“What did that feel like?” Sirius asked. 

“Like- cold water,” Remus sighed. “Better.”

Sirius smiled. “Told you.” 

“Yes, alright,” Remus leaned back into Sirius’ hands. 

“Breathe in,” Sirius instructed, and moved down into Remus’ shoulders. 

By the time Sirius had moved down to the small joints of Remus’ hands, it was absolutely dark save for the light in the kitchen, which cast Remus’ slack face in shadows. 

“Remus?” Sirius prompted, but Remus had fallen asleep against the couch cushions, breath deep and even. 

Sirius pulled the blanket up from Remus’ waist to his shoulders, and tucked a pillow under his neck to support it. Remus did not stir, and Sirius stayed for a moment, memorizing his unguarded expression. 

“I’m a coward,” Sirius said, low. “I know what Poppy meant for me to say. Maybe you know. You should.” Sirius paused, but Remus’ breathing remained slow and steady. “All the best bits of my life have been with you. And the world owes us both a bit more time to be happy, I think.”

Sirius stood, carefully avoiding jostling Remus’ feet. 

“Hang in there, Moony.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i can't believe i finally finished this a year and a half later
> 
> on the one hand I'm so sorry, on the other this is how much i love you all & look, i keep my promises...eventually

Remus woke to the smell of a fry-up. He turned to peer into the kitchen, winced, and stretched his neck in the opposite direction. Several vertebrae popped. 

He shuffled into the kitchen to witness Sirius humming tunelessly to one of his dad’s old records, waving his wand like he was conducting an orchestra, spatula tapping against a pan. 

“Sirius,” Remus blinked. “Are you- is that my mum’s apron?” 

Sirius turned around and looked him over. He frowned, and strode towards Remus. 

Remus took a step back. 

“Stay still,” Sirius ordered, reaching for his head. His fingers twisted in a couple thin strands of hair, and tugged. 

“Ow,” Remus complained, hand flying up to his scalp. 

Sirius walked over to a small cauldron bubbling on the kitchen table, and tossed the hairs in. It turned a violent shade of purple, and Sirius frowned down into a book that Remus didn’t recognize, pages glossy and full-color. 

“Hmm,” Sirius glared, and flicked his wand at the fry-up. The spatula began to dole out heaping portions onto two plates. 

“What are you reading?” Remus walked over to the table, and the book slammed shut. 

_Your Magical Pregnancy!_ the title shimmered. Remus swallowed. 

“Never you mind,” Sirius said. “Sit down.” 

Remus pulled out a chair, and a plate of sausage, eggs, and potatoes clattered onto the table. “If I thought there were any chance Molly might use Polyjuice-“ he trailed off, taking in the small mountain of books strewn across the table. _Your Magical First Year! Eating for Two. Nutritive Potions._ He slid carefully away, and stood up. He wasn’t feeling particularly hungry anymore. 

The plate leapt up from the table and followed him, nudging his hip. 

“Really, Pads?” Remus complained, trying to shoo the plate away. 

“There’s going to be a baby in four months,” Sirius said, as if he hadn’t heard him. “Do you know, I don’t even remember how to change a nappy?”

Remus felt ice flood his veins. 

“I used to read this stuff with James, before Harry was born. Must’ve been too happy a memory,” he tapped his temple. “Can barely recognize any of this bit about the vitamins.” 

“Sirius,” Remus felt like he couldn’t get enough oxygen. The air in the house was dense, humid with the stove and the boiling cauldron. 

Sirius regarded him. “You have to eat. You’re starving yourself. And,” he twitched his head to the side and moved his leg like he wanted to scratch his ear and remembered too late that he couldn’t reach it. “You’re starving the baby, too.” 

“Immobulus,” Remus snapped out, and the plate froze in midair. He pulled open the back door and stood in the doorway for a moment, breathing in the cool air. He felt embarrassed by his outburst, but couldn’t bring himself to look away from the open sky. 

“Moony,” Sirius approached him, quiet. The cauldron had stopped bubbling. “Talk to me.” 

Remus shook his head. Sirius’ fingers tentatively brushed his shoulder, then moved away. Remus forced himself to control his breathing, slower, slower- 

A wet nose bumped the back of his knee, and Remus startled. Padfoot pushed his way through the door, bounded over to the fields, and barked once. 

“Oh, are we going on a walk?” Remus raised his eyebrows. 

Padfoot sat with a huff, waiting. 

“Let me get my cane,” Remus said, leaning to pick up the worn wooden handle by the door and limping his way over. 

Padfoot watched him, and didn’t follow when Remus passed him by. 

“Come on,” Remus took off towards the creek on the far edge of the property. “Just go a bit slower for me, alright?”

Padfoot brushed up against his side, rather like a cat, and trotted off through the fields, grass parting in his wake. 

Remus sat down on a boulder by the creek, and Padfoot hopped up to sit on his feet. 

“Do you remember when we came here, summer after sixth year?” 

Padfoot looked up at him with big, soulful eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Pads,” Remus scratched gently behind his ear. “It was August, and it was so damn hot that even I jumped in the water. James had this stupid idea to make the frogs sing ABBA, and you thought it was brilliant- ended in disaster, of course.” He went still. “Oh, look,” he pointed at a small frog on the embankment that was watching them both warily. “That one’s just barely got on the land. You can still see a bit of the tadpole tail.”

Sirius shuffled stealthily closer. The frog barked in alarm, causing a troop of a dozen others to jump into the water. 

Remus laughed when Sirius hopped back up into his lap with muddy paws, dejected. “Never much of a hunter, you,” he ran a consoling hand over his fur, shining in the sunlight, flecked with gray. 

Padfoot huffed and closed his eyes. For a moment, they both listening to the croaking of the frogs, the whirr of the crickets in the fields, the trickling of water over stones. 

Remus leaned back gingerly onto the rock, covering his eyes with his hands. “I keep wondering if I’ve made a terrible mistake. If I’ve condemned a child,” his voice broke, and he swallowed to control the pitch. “Lycanthropy, even beyond the pain, Sirius, you have no idea what it’s like to feel- tainted. The way most people would treat even a child- I’d rather die than bite someone. And if I,” he swallowed. Padfoot shuffled alongside him and bumped his nose into Remus’ armpit. Remus turned onto his side, burying his face in soft fur like he was 16 again, shivering in the Shrieking Shack as he waited for the sun to rise. “I don’t know what the right thing is to do. I feel as if I’ve been horribly selfish.” 

Sirius transformed in a shiver of magic, propping himself up onto an elbow and pulling Remus into a one-armed hug. “I’ve imagined, sometimes, what a four year old werewolf must look like.”

“It’s nothing to joke about,” Remus replied. 

“I know,” Sirius sighed. “Remus, I’m crap at divination, but hear me out. I remember all those years that your parents went off looking for cures.” 

Remus stiffened. “I wouldn’t-“

“I know, but listen- after all that, did you ever think we’d have Wolfsbane? Can you imagine, if you hadn’t torn yourself apart for a few decades, if I’d always been there to help you through it?”

Remus closed his eyes, and Sirius squeezed his shoulder. 

“It’s only been around for a few years. Give it some time. People might change. Hell, you changed me, didn’t you? After every Pureblood prejudice I had. When we met on the train, and you told me where your father worked, and I asked if he’d killed any werewolves- the dementors loved that one, I was so ashamed of it.”

Remus frowned at him. “That wasn’t your fault.” 

Sirius gave him a sad smile. “Wasn’t yours, either. Still isn’t. And, besides all that- if there were no Wolfsbane, if I didn’t have Padfoot, if I had to listen to you rip yourself to shreds every month and patch you back together again- I’d dare anyone to tell me that your life hasn’t been worth living.” He took a deep breath. “I- care about you. You’re all I have left. You and Harry. And, hey,” he elbowed Remus gently. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have another chance at raising up a sprog?”

Remus let out a shaky breath. “What if the Ministry takes them away from me? Deems me unfit?”

“I won’t let that happen,” Sirius sat up. “No one’s going to let that happen. They’d have to go through the entire Order and the Boy Who Lived. And we’ve got a pretty good track record.” 

Remus laughed. “Gods, I knew you’d say something like that.” 

Sirius nudged him. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Remus shook his head. “Yeah, I’m alright.” 

“Good,” Sirius tugged him up. “Because you still haven’t eaten your breakfast.” 

*

Poppy’s next visit a few weeks later earned Sirius a terse nod of approval, which, coming from her, felt like winning the House Cup singlehandedly. 

Remus shuffled over to sample the bubbling pan on the stove, and despite the blessing of his height leaned up to tip a jar out of the spice cabinet.

Sirius’ head whipped into the room from the hallway, where he was covered in streaks of blue paint. “Put the curry powder down, Remus.” 

Remus kept the jar on the counter, and shuffled over. Sirius squinted at him. “Are you starting to waddle?”

“No,” Remus said crossly. “Have you gotten any paint on the actual wall?”

“Tetchy,” Sirius waggled his eyebrows, and Remus shoved him over. 

By the time the pan was bubbling over, Remus, Sirius, and the floor were covered in streaks of blue paint. Remus shuffled down the hall to do cleanup, flicking his wand left and right, and turned to look at Sirius. “You could help me-“ he recognized Sirius’ lips moving in a subvocalization of the a photography charm, wand flicking in a neat rectangle. 

Remus ran towards him, but Sirius flicked the charm onto a scrap of paper and held it to his chest. “Too late!” he crowed. “I’ve got evidence now! You’re like an overgrown duck-“ 

Remus slammed into him from the side, and Sirius crashed to the floor, cackling. “Not fair, I can’t tackle you.”

“That wasn’t a tackle,” Remus loomed over him, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Hmm,” Sirius rolled up onto his feet, then lurched over to tickle Remus on his side. The screech was very satisfying.

Remus slapped his hands away. “Are you a- bloody wizard- or not?”

“Mm,” Sirius reached into his pocket for his wand. “Good point.” 

The tickle charm made Remus fall to the floor, gasping and laughing until he caught his breath enough to shoot a jellylegs hex at Sirius. It took a moment for him to reverse it, and by then they were both sprawled on the floor. 

Sirius looked over at Remus, flushed and grinning, hair grown out to its typical shaggy length hanging down into his eyes, and his breath caught. 

“What?” Remus smiled. 

“Dinner’s burning,” Sirius got to his feet and hauled Remus up.

Remus managed to rescue most of the chicken, scraping the pan down to the charred bottom. Sirius could see the beginnings of stubble on his cheek as he leaned over the pan, and just managed to restrain himself from reaching over to run the back of his hand over it. 

“You got rid of the moustache,” Sirius noted.

Remus shrugged. “Took it on when I was teaching. Thought it made me look older. You wouldn’t believe how many students tried to flirt with me when I was at the Bancroft Academy.”

 _Yes, I would._ Sirius swallowed. “I’ve been thinking.” 

“Oh no,” Remus flicked open the cabinets and sent plates flying to the table. 

“We should tell Harry. Even he will notice the next time he visits.” 

Remus winced. “Think we could lie, say it’s yours?” 

Sirius dropped the plates. “What?”

“Reparo,” Remus flicked his wand at the floor. “I was only joking.” 

Right. Of course. “I can talk to him about it, if you’d rather not.” 

“No, no. I can handle it,” Remus looked tired. “But I ought to make up a convenient lie for when the neighbors start to gossip. Fling abroad, or something.” 

“You should tell them it’s me,” Sirius blurted before he could think better of it. He let out a nervous laugh. “I mean, I think I’ve started to look more myself. People might believe it.”

Remus smiled, shook his head. “I won’t do that to you. Not after everything you’ve done for me.” He reached a hand out and grasped Sirius’. “Thank you. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.” 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded. “Anytime you need me, Moony. You know that.” 

*

Harry came after the full moon with a pie from Molly, catching Sirius up while they waited for Remus to wake. 

It was late afternoon before they heard Remus’ feet on the floorboards upstairs, and Harry stood at once to go greet him. 

“Wait,” Sirius stopped him. “Can you make us some tea? I’ll go get him.” 

“Alright,” Harry agreed. It was difficult to tell, sometimes, how much Harry caught on to. He could be sober, secretive in his silences. Sirius wondered how he could ever have confused him with James. 

Sirius knocked before he entered Remus’ room, and found the door opening for him. 

“Who’s downstairs?” Remus asked.

 _Constant vigilance,_ Sirius thought. “Harry. He’s brought pie. Thought we could all sit down. I could tell him you’re too tired, though, if you like.”

“No, I’m coming,” Remus yawned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He shuffled over to grab a overlarge cardigan. 

Harry was already sitting at the kitchen table with a full pot of tea, three mugs, and a saucer of milk. 

“Thank you, Harry,” Remus smiled at him, and sat down next to Sirius, who looked over at him for a long moment. Then then turned together to face Harry. 

“We’ve something we need to tell you,” Sirius began. 

Harry held up a hand, flushing. “I think I already- I mean, Ginny said- bollocks. If you’re, happy together,” Harry stuttered, “then I’m happy for you.”

Remus and Sirius went silent, tension building in the room as they glanced back at each other. Then they started laughing, Sirius collapsing into Remus’ side. 

“Oh Merlin,” Remus chuckled. “Remember James, in fifth year-“

“When he caught me with whatshisname,” Sirius snapped. 

Harry flushed a deep scarlet. 

“Sorry, Harry,” Remus laughed. “It’s just, well, we’ll have to tell you another time. But I’m afraid we’ve misled you.” He sobered up. “Harry, what do you know about gender changes in wizarding society?”

“Er,” Harry blinked. “Like, men who want to dress as women?”

Sirius snorted. 

“Oh dear,” Remus said. “Let’s start with basics, then.” 

*

Remus sprawled across the couch, long limbs stretching to shove his feet in Sirius’ lap. “That was really bloody stressful.”

Sirius grabbed a socked foot and began rubbing it. “How stressful? You’re supposed to keep your blood pressure down.” 

“I’m fine,” Remus squirmed, and laid a hand over his stomach. “Ow.” 

Sirius dropped the foot. “What?”

“Nothing. Just kicked me in the bladder again.” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand, rucked his shirt up, and pressed it over his belly. Sirius could see the pink lines of old scars stretching with the surrounding skin. 

“Not like that,” Remus pressed Sirius’ palm into his stomach. “A little harder. There! Do you feel it?” 

Sirius crouched down, peering at the round curve of Remus’ stomach. “Wow,” he breathed. “That’s,” he looked up. “Did I do this before? With Harry?” 

“Yeah,” Remus looked sad. “Do you want to listen to its heart beat?”

Sirius nodded, and tilted his head to press an ear against the warm, taut curve of Remus’ stomach. He grinned. “That’s brilliant.” 

“I think so too,” Remus looked down at him, expression warm. 

Sirius swallowed and sat up. He gave Remus’ stomach a perfunctory pat. “Be good for a couple more months, sprog. Your daddy needs his rest.” 

Remus regarded him. “Does it ever feel odd to you, calling me that when I’m like this?”

“No,” Sirius shrugged. “Would be odd to say anything else, I think. Unless you’d like me to-“

Remus shook his head, smiling. This close, Sirius could see the flecks of green in his eyes. 

“No,” Remus said. “I think I like it. When I’m not terrified, of course.” 

“That’s normal,” Sirius says, hand still on Remus’ belly. “James panicked at me about a hundred times. You’re responsible for a whole other life. He was right too, I mean, given all the times Harry,” he licked his lips. He was rambling. 

“Sirius,” Remus reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. It hovered just below his neck. 

Sirius felt his breath catch, and had to look away. “Don’t worry, Moony. Can’t possibly fuck up as bad as my parents did, right?” 

Remus laughed, and Sirius shuffled back down to grab his other foot, which had swollen a bit. “You should know, Poppy’s threatening to put you on bedrest in a couple weeks from now.”

Remus made a face. “I hate being cooped up.” 

“I promise to be very entertaining,” Sirius shifted to squeeze Remus’ calves. 

“Sirius,” Remus said, and the tone made him look up. 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Sirius flashed him a smile. “I know. What would you do without me, eh?” 

“I don’t know,” Remus flexed his foot to poke Sirius in the stomach.

*

The seventh full moon had Poppy declaring bedrest and an around the clock monitor, which Remus grumbled about but acquiesced to. 

“Most lycanthropes deliver just after the eighth full moon. Stress-induced contractions. But once you’ve made it into the seventh month, especially a case like yours,” she shrugged. 

“What,” Sirius felt his own blood pressure rising with anxiety. 

“Well, the fetus is viable now. It would be better to hold on a little longer, but if he starts vomiting, if the swelling of his hands and feet get worse, if he has a severe headache, or if he starts seizing-“ 

“Seizing?” Sirius paled. 

“Aye. There’s the classic version with loss of consciousness, jerking movements, but be on the lookout if he becomes unresponsive as well-“ 

“Sirius,” Remus squeezed his hand. “Calm down.” 

“Don’t you bloody tell me to- are you hearing this?” 

“Don’t wait,” Poppy cut them off. “Bring him to me. We can induce labor if need be.” 

“Right,” Sirius swallowed. 

Remus waved Poppy off through the floo. “Sirius,” he turned, “can you- oof.” 

Sirius had lurched forward to wrap his arms around Remus’ neck before the floo embers had gone cold, burying his face in Remus’ chest. 

“Dgflurgh,” he said. 

“Erm,” Remus placed a hand between his shoulder blades. “Could you repeat that?”

“Don’t die on me.” 

“I’m not planning on it,” Remus replied.

“Don’t joke about it,” Sirius sniffed, and Remus’ hand on Sirius’ back stilled. “I’m not young enough to do that, anymore. Not that- I mean, every full moon of your entire goddamn life I’ve been worried sick about you.” 

“Have you?” Remus went still, though he didn’t push Sirius away. 

“When I remembered you, sometimes the dementors let me, because I thought- Prongs couldn’t be there, and I got myself locked up, and I thought about you tearing yourself to pieces. I remember how bad it was, before. I don’t think I told you,” Sirius leaned back a little to take a breath. “When I was trying to figure out how we could help you, I kept reading- most werewolves didn’t make it very far into adulthood.” 

“Sirius,” Remus ran a hand over his long hair, almost as he would over Padfoot’s head. “Those numbers take into account the suicide rate.” 

“I know. Berk.” Sirius arms wrapped around him tighter. “Don’t you dare leave me alone.”

“We’re doing everything we’re supposed to,” Remus said. “That’s all we can do.” 

Sirius nodded and pulled back, embarrassed. “Right. You’ll be ok, Moony. I’ll be right here.” 

“I know,” Remus said. “Let’s have some tea.” 

*

Remus didn’t last until the next full moon. 

He was alert, cheerful, and eating breakfast when he paused, herbal tea halfway to his lips. He set the cup back down on the saucer with a slight clink.

“Moony?” Sirius looked up, preoccupied by the paper. 

“Sirius,” Remus blinked, “did you leave the stove on?” 

Sirius glanced over at the burners. “No. Why?”

“I-“ Remus let out a long sigh, then went rigid. 

“Remus?” Sirius dropped the paper, and pushed out his chair. The monitor went off, flashing red. He caught Remus’ head as his body jerked to the side, easing him down as he slumped out of his chair. 

“Fuck!” Sirius’ hands were trembling, mind going blank. Adrenaline. He had to- 

He slipped a pillow under Remus’ head, and ran to the floo. Nearly at the same time he threw down the powder, Poppy Pomfrey stepped through, her assistant following behind with a stretcher that expanded once she entered the room. 

“He’s,” Sirius couldn’t put the words together, hand shaking violently as he pointed to the floor. 

“How long?” Poppy asked, tone brisk. 

“I think, only a few seconds. Is he-“ 

The jerking stopped, and Remus went very still. Sirius dropped down to his knees, watching for Remus’ breathing. He couldn’t tell-

“Too early to induce. We’ll have to-“ 

Remus’ brow furrowed, and Sirius let out a breath. 

“Sirius?” Remus slurred, blinking up at him. 

“It’s ok,” Sirius reached down and grasped his hand. “Poppy’s here.” 

Remus nodded. “There’re letters, in my desk. For you, and the baby. You’ll find them.” 

“No,” Sirius was still shaking. “Because I don’t go snooping through your things. Learned that lesson in first year, didn’t I?” 

“We’re taking you to St. Mungo’s,” Poppy’s assistant levitated Remus onto the stretcher, while Pomfrey spoke through the floo. “We’ll need the facilities there.” 

Remus nodded, and looked back at Sirius. “Don’t let them take the baby,” Remus looked at him. “They should be raised by someone who loves them.”

“Remus-“ Sirius started, but Remus shook his head and gripped Sirius’ hand back with all of his considerable strength. 

“I know, I’m not- being fair. Please.” 

Sirius nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. 

Sirius lost the grip on Remus’ hand as they went through the floo, stumbling in after and trying to follow Poppy down the corridor. 

“You have to wait here,” one of the mediwitches stopped him. 

“I have to,” Sirius tried to push past her, but she had clearly been prepared for this. 

Poppy looked over her shoulder at them both. “Call Harry Potter for him.”

“Harry Potter?” the mediwitch squeaked. 

“Yes,” Poppy rolled her eyes. “Good lord.” 

“Poppy,” Sirius called, but she disappeared through a tall set of doors. The mediwitch touched Sirius on the shoulder, and he was suddenly standing alone in a waiting room. 

“Damn it,” he paced the room fists clenched.

The room’s other occupants eyed him warily.

“Is that-“

“Sirius Black!”

The walls were covered with pictures of cartoon baby animals, nifflers that tumbled from their mother’s pouches and round little seahorses. 

“Sirius!” Harry apparated, Hermione appearing just after with a pop. 

“Is P- is Remus alright?” Hermione asked him, eyes wide. “Harry just told me-“ 

“I don’t know,” Sirius said. 

Harry quietly handed him a tissue. 

“Thanks,” Sirius said, and Hermione darted forward, enveloping him in a hug. She looked up, and Harry joined them. 

“I’m sure it’ll be alright,” Hermione said, pulling back and fussing with the strap of her purse

“I love him,” Sirius choked. “I didn’t tell him. Couldn’t.” 

“He knows,” Harry said. 

Sirius sniffed, and Hermione handed him another tissue. “Your mum and dad loved you so much, Harry. When you were born- it was like there was nothing else. Only you. All of us, our whole lives became about protecting you.” 

Harry looked away. “Yeah.” 

As they waited, the room began to fill up- Ginny brought the rest of the Weasley clan trickling in, Minerva strode in with her hair askew, and by the time Fleur bustled in with coffee the mediwitches began to do crowd control. 

Sirius had, for once, allowed Molly to rub his back and ply him with tea as Hermione kept up a steady stream of chatter and Harry sat quietly nearby. The rest of the room went through several convolutions of understanding the situation, and were attempting to gossip out of earshot. 

Poppy stepped through the waiting room door, and blinked at the assembled crowd. 

“We’ve finished,” she announced. “The baby is healthy. Remus is- well, he’s a fighter, and we’ll know more in a few hours.” 

“Can I see him?” Sirius asked. 

Poppy nodded, and held a hand up when the crowd began standing up. “Only you and Potter.”

Remus looked very pale against the white sheets, and Sirius let out a breath, collapsing to sit on the cot beside him. He took Remus’ hand in his own. 

“How long?” Sirius asked. 

“If he wakes, it could be anywhere from an hour from now to a day.” 

Sirius nodded. “Thank you.”

Poppy turned to go, and Sirius remembered with a surge of anxiety. 

“The baby-“

“She’s with my assistant. She’ll need to be kept in an isolation charm for at least a week.” 

“Remus told me-“

“I know, dear. I’d like to see someone try to take that child away from her.” 

Sirius nodded, and turned back to Remus, watching the rise and fall of his chest. “We’ve been here before, haven’t we Moony? Done worse than this. Practically reattached your arm, once.” 

Harry sat down in a chair next to him, and they waited. 

*

Remus woke just after Sirius had dozed off, head resting on his thigh and drooling into the sheets. He coughed, and Harry handed him a cup of water. 

“Thank you, Harry,” Remus said hoarsely. 

Sirius stirred, then sat up all at once. “Remus! Oh, thank Merlin,” he flung himself into Remus’ arms, and Remus winced. 

“The baby,” Remus rasped. “Does it have lycanthropy?” 

Sirius blinked. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.” 

Remus looked panicked. “Where is it?”

“She’s with Poppy’s assistant,” Sirius soothed. “She’s healthy.” 

“Can you,” Remus coughed. 

Harry went out the door to fetch her, and it was scarcely seconds before she strode in, the infant in her arms encased in a purple, iridescent bubble. She transferred it to Remus’ arms, and Sirius sat with an arm around his shoulders to support him. The bubble flexed as the baby moved, turning into the warmth of Remus’ stomach. 

“Did you test her?” Remus asked, so quiet that Sirius could barely hear him. 

“Yes,” the witch nodded. “Negative for Lycanthropy.” 

“And the false negative rate, this early on-“ 

She shook her head. “She doesn’t have it.” 

Remus closed his eyes, and let out a slow breath. 

“I’ll give you a minute,” the witch said, and left the room. 

Sirius leaned his head onto Remus’ shoulder and looked down at the baby. 

“Hello, little one. Merlin, I think I’ve aged about a decade in the past few hours- Harry, is there more gray in my hair? I swear I can feel it.” 

“Vain bastard,” Remus said fondly, and Harry gave them both a quizzical look. 

Sirius shook his head, short. 

“What are you conspiring on together?” Remus yawned, leaning back into the pillows. 

“Nothing, Moony,” Sirius replied in his best false innocent voice, slipping his arm away so Remus could lie back down. He transferred the baby easily from Remus’ arms. “Get some rest.”

“Hmm,” Remus said, but he yawned again and let his eyes slip shut. 

Sirius gestured towards the hall, and Harry followed. 

“You can’t tell him,” Sirius rocked the baby gently back and forth. 

Harry held up his hands. “I reckon you should be the one to talk to him.” 

Sirius shook his head. “There’s a reason I’ve never told him. He’s never been interested, not like that. I’m his friend. And I wouldn’t want him to feel- pressured. Especially not now.” 

Harry looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. “Hermione’s probably already making a plan with Ginny.”

“Ah,” Sirius sighed, tickling the baby’s toes to watch the reflexive curl. “I think I’ll stay here. Would you mind telling the others?”

Harry nodded. “Did Remus decide on a name?”

“Dora,” Sirius replied. 

“Oh,” Harry stopped. “’Course.” 

Sirius nodded. “Thanks, Harry. For everything.”

“He’s like a dad to me, too,” Harry replied, hands shoved in his robes. “I’d do anything.” 

Sirius watched Harry go, and felt very old. 

*

The full moon passed before Remus was allowed out of observation, and with the couple days of recovery afterward he and Dora were allowed to go home together. 

Sirius stayed, helping Remus take shifts during the night, feeding and changing and sorting through various tins of food they received in a steady stream. 

Remus had the enviable habit of falling asleep wherever he sat; Sirius eyed him now as he nodded in the rocker on the front porch. 

“Lazy sod,” he laughed. “Leaving me to de-gnome the garden.”

“I’m coming,” Remus murmured, sink back further into the chair. “Just a few more-“ Remus sat bolt upright, launching out of the chair with his wand in one hand, Dora held tight in the other. The wards went off nearly simultaneously with an ear-piercing shriek. 

Sirius whirled, wand in hand. “What-“ 

A bolt of green light shot toward the garden, and Sirius fell to the ground.

“NO,” Remus bellowed, running towards Sirius. Another bolt of light shot towards him and Dora, and Remus deflected it with a quick flick of his wand. 

Amycus Carrow strode from the woods, close enough that Remus could see the gleam in his eye as he snapped off one rapid curse after another. Remus shielded Dora with his body, energy crackling from his wand in a near steady stream as he shielded, pushing forward. 

He couldn’t spare a glance back towards Sirius, heart thumping wildly, Dora’s wails in his ears. 

Amycus was trying to push him back now, but Remus’ magic was nearly pure intent, moving faster than he could speak. A cutting curse grazed Remus’ cheek, and he snarled as he closed the distance. He had to kill Amycus quickly, because Sirius, Sirius needed him-

Remus came within a yard of the Death Eater, and the man paused, wand pointed towards Dora. 

“The aurors will be here soon, Amycus,” Remus said, wand pointed at Amycus’ chest. 

“How dare you say my name,” Amycus spat. “Half-breed, mudblood-“

“Never bothered you before, did it?” Remus said coolly. 

Amycus’ wrist twitched, and Remus dodged the curse, twisting his body to the right. The momentum carried his right shoulder backwards, and he forced his palm up in one sharp, brutal hit to the solar plexus. 

Cartilage crunched beneath the blow as Amycus went down, gasping for air. 

Remus didn’t hesitate; he tucked Dora into his chest with his elbow, grasped Amycus’ next with both hands, and twisted. 

A sharp snap of vertebrae, and he let Amycus’ body fall to the ground, stepping back to recover. He watched for a moment, but Amycus did not move, eyes wide and unseeing. 

Remus ran back to the house, falling to his knees beside Sirius, rolling his body over in one fluid movement. He pressed his fingers to Sirius’ neck, panting with adrenaline. _Not again, please-_

“Ow,” Sirius said in a high, thin voice. 

“Oh gods,” Remus pulled Sirius up into his arms, running his hands down his sides, over his back. 

“Blood-burning hex,” Sirius groaned. “Haven’t seen that one since the Troubles.”

“Bloody hell,” Remus dragged him forward, and pressed a frantic kiss to his lips. 

“Mph!” Sirius said, then. “Moony, are you crying? Don’t cry, shh,” he patted the back of Remus’ neck. “Look, I’m ok, I’m ok.” 

“I thought, it looked like,” Remus’ breath hitched in a sob. “Sirius.” 

“I know, it’s ok, gods Remus I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry.”

Four loud cracks split the air, and Remus helped Sirius struggle to his feet. 

“Remus,” Harry ran towards them. “The wards-“ 

“It was Amycus,” Remus called. 

“Was?” Harry stopped. 

Remus pointed. “Over there, by the woods.” 

The aurors hurried off to find the body, and Harry gave Remus a shrewd look. 

“They’re going to ask for your wand, Remus. Should I call in someone to represent you?” 

Remus tipped his head from side to side, contemplating. “The wording of the law specifically references the use of magic. I didn’t kill him with magic.” 

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh?” 

“Muggle martial arts. Thank my mother.” Remus bounced Dora on his hip, and her wails quieted into hiccups. 

“You don’t look surprised,” Harry noted, looking over at Sirius.

“Nah,” Sirius shrugged. “Ask anyone who fought with him during the Troubles. He’s damned hard to kill. And purebloods are usually shit at fighting with their hands.” 

“Well,” Harry raised his hands and dropped them. “Alright. Don’t leave the area for the next couple days- someone will be by to question you.”

The aurors dispersed over the next hour, and the hum of crickets started back up again. 

Sirius looked over at Remus, who was staring blankly at the spot where they’d left. 

“Alright, Moony?”

“Yeah,” Remus gave him a reassuring smile. 

Sirius stepped forward, and lifted a hand to run his knuckles over Remus’ cheek. “You kissed me.” 

Remus drew back. “I-“

“I liked it.” 

Remus smiled. “I have a confession to make. Promise not to laugh?” 

Sirius stepped closer, putting his hands on Remus’ waist. “Yeah?” 

“I’ve had a horrible, horrible crush on you since about fifth year.”

Sirius froze. “You’re joking.” 

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Remus protested.

Sirius groaned, leaning down to rub his forehead against Remus’ neck. “I’ve got you beat there, Moony. Fourth year.”

Remus’ shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. “Oh, what a pair of fools we are.”

“It’s not funny,” Sirius moaned, poking him in the shoulder for emphasis. “I’ve pined for years!”

“Pined?” Remus smiled. 

“Longed, suffered-“

Remus cupped Sirius’ jaw in his hand and leaned in to give him a slow, soft kiss. His lips twitched in a smile. “Better?” 

“Getting there,” Sirius replied, and pulled him closer.


End file.
